TrueLoveWaits: Is Abstinence For Real?

Really? You can’t be serious…Holding out for how long?

Is what I hear all the time when I reveal to people the purpose of my covenant promise to sustain from premarital sex. It amazes me how so many people focus more so on the length of time of refraining from having sex, rather than the beauty of loving you. Sex is not everything; just like money cannot buy you love. I’ll take having wholeness any day over a 30 second climax. Yes abstinence is for real and there are plenty of us out there who chooses to wait for our mates. But my primary goal is to help you realize how valuable you are men- women alike-You are worth the wait.  

Engaging in a night of sex is just as sacred as you placing your heart into the hands of someone you love. I could go into details on how it’s imperative to know the ends and outs of your partner’s physical health, knowing their status (seeing their HIV results on paper), and so forth. But the most important part is getting back to loving you.  It is possible to date someone and remain abstinence; I see it all the time. The issue is many have fallen by the wayside because of the lack of proper planning- knowing your hotspots and setting your boundaries (Your HB Plan).Your HB Plan is a prerequisite before entering into the dating world. 

If you don’t have a moral plan of your own, you become the definition of someone else’s moral plan.Your HB Moral Plan should consist of what you stand for and the protection of what you may fall for, it’s what I call your Soul Insurance. To begin your plan you want to first start by identifying and writing down your moral values-values which you stand for and are not up for discussion. You may write down that having a relationship with God is a moral value that you possess, or being a person of integrity and honesty. 

Secondly, you want to identify your hotspots. Hotspots are the triggered sex-emotions that send you to the point of no return- which I call the Sex Phase. It is imperative that you are honest with yourself in revealing the truth about your hotspots, especially for the reason to withstand from falling into having premarital sex. So be honest with yourself as you unfold your hidden hotspots. Ask yourself “What turns me on to the point of no return? For me if your softly kissing on my neck for a long period of time and the mood is right I better run fast or I will have reached my Sex Phase, and will be falling that night. Do you see how real and clear I was with one of my hotspots? That’s how I need you to be. 

Thirdly, set into motion a boundary plan. If you can’t trust yourself with being alone with yourself in the dark, without refraining from sexual acts than you need NOT to go over to your partner’s house late at night; you can watch the movie during the day time, or in a group. Do what you have to do in order to preserve your moral values and your HB Plan. If you communicate to your partner your HB Moral Plan (what you speak) and your actions give off a different message, than you are confusing your mate. You have to make sure that your words and actions align circumspectly with your HB Moral Plan, or you will fall victim to conforming to the definition of someone else’s moral standards. So to answer your question, YES Abstinence is For Real.

~MechelleRenee